


It Began With A Trashcan

by mt_lyfe



Series: The Domestic Life of A Dragon [8]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Crack, Don't copy to another site, Dragon Stiles Stilinski, M/M, Meet-Cute, Partners in Crime, Pre-Slash, So much randomness, Teapot Dragon, Thieving Dragon, Thieving Raccoon, Werewolf Derek Hale, matchmaker kira
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27547771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mt_lyfe/pseuds/mt_lyfe
Summary: “We have a situation,” Derek announced at the emergency pack meeting he called. Pacing back and forth in front of his betas cuddled together on the couch he continued, “some new creature has moved into town.”“Has it killed anyone yet?” Erica asks, expression a little too eager for bloodshed.Derek stops, “no... its been raiding my trash every night.”
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: The Domestic Life of A Dragon [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1804507
Comments: 22
Kudos: 339





	It Began With A Trashcan

**Author's Note:**

> At first I thought this was too cracky to see the light of day because it's titled 'Pufferfish trash panda' in my docs, and now I _still_ think it's too cracky to see the light of day. But I wrote it, so whatever. 
> 
> Plenty of inaccuracies in this pertaining to Japanese folklore.

Derek stared forlornly at what used to be his TV, now sitting in his dumpster. This baby survived the DVD era, then Blue-Ray and kept on working right past Blockbusters’ bankruptcy. She’d worked hard.

Derek hated that he’ll have to get another one and they couldn’t fix it because all the parts were discontinued. This world was becoming increasingly more materialistic with the mindset of buying new things rather than fixing the old. To be fair, it was cheaper to buy another one nowadays what with the labor rate being much high than it was thirty years ago. It still felt like such a waste.

He sighed heavily mourning the lost of his tube TV.

It was good not to hoard things anyways, he kept telling himself. His betas, whom were all much younger than him, would cry tears of joy at him finally upgrading to a flatscreen TV. With satellite.

Amidst his grieving was the ruckus from the swearing of his new neighbors as they moved in. Glancing over, he saw that one of them had walked into the gate. From the distance he caught a glimpse of a brown hair man struggling to balance the precariously tipping couch while hopping on one foot because he’d stubbed the other.

The Asian beauty was holding the other end and warning her partner to “ _not drop the couch under any circumstances,”_ while the two struggled past the gate and precariously up the stairs—with one more mishap—the man getting his gaudy plaid shirt caught on the doorknob before the two finally made it inside to the continuous arguing banter back and forth between the two _“I wasn’t made to walk on two legs like the rest of you!”_

The last family that lived there had moved away after all the inexplicable happenings in the area. All of them were due to the supernatural. It was partially Derek’s fault, being the alpha of the area, and his neighbour by default got the brunt of the damages when a chimera broke into his house and the ensuing fight ended with Derek hurling the beast into the apple tree on his neighbour’s lawn, splitting it in half. One of many accidental destructions to the surrounding property.

The family thought there was a poltergeist living in their house and sold it for a low, low price. Well they weren’t completely wrong. Not that Derek could go to apologize and explain he was protecting them from a chimera. Normal people didn’t understand that kind of stuff.

Hopefully, these new neighbours wouldn’t be so quick to frighten.

* * *

Derek thought he’d heard a noise out back. It could have been from a rodent since it was late into the night but it was always good to check in case it was a meaner and more supernaturally inclined creature, with no sense of stealth, stubbing their foot on the trashcan right before busting in through the back door. It may seem like Derek is a paranoid werewolf, but that had happened once.

So he cautiously headed out toward the back door (real life wasn’t like those scary movies where heading toward the source of the noise meant the main character’s demise.) Derek was the one handing out the grizzly endings.

The movement set off the motion sensors on the garage triggering the flood of lights over the garbage pile and yes there was something wiggling in the bins like it was trapped. Relaxing because it was probably just a raccoon that got overzealous in its dumpster diving adventures when the lid fell shut, Derek went to release the poor thing and give it a growl to warn away from future explorations in his rubbish. Yes, he didn’t feel shame in displaying dominance over scavenging trash pandas if it meant keeping his carefully sorted double-bagged heap of garbage bags from being ripped open and scattered. He was conscientious about the environment and didn’t want to waste more plastic bags cleaning up the mess.

He opened the lid peering in, ready to flash his red eyes. The rattling stopped and golden irises with black-slitted pupils glowed back at him.

That isn’t a raccoon.

The creature hurriedly shoved what looked like the old TV remote into his stomach pouch before launching out of the bin, narrowly missing Derek’s face and nearly knocking him off balance in surprise.

He recovered his footing just in time to see a little green dragon booking it toward the direction of his neighbour’s yard, hauling his broken TV along with it.

 _That dragon just made off with his tube TV._ That TV was _five times_ its size.

Evidently the dragon’s size was inversely proportional to his strength. Just like an ant. It was a sight seeing the mad scramble to safety while hefting Derek’s broken TV over the fence.

Glancing back at the vacated bins, Derek couldn’t help but think that the thief was surprisingly neat about going through his trash. Nothing was ripped apart or strewn in a mess left for Derek to pick up after in the dark. In fact the bags that he’d tightly knotted earlier were neatly untied leaving the thief unrestricted access to all his discarded goods.

He would have gone after the creature if not for the lights shining through his neighbour’s window. They were home. He wouldn’t be able to explain wrecking their yard in pursuit of a thieving gremlin. Besides the creature had only rooted around in his garbage bins. It wasn’t in any way nefarious at all.

Famous. Last. Words.

* * *

The next night, like clockwork, right at midnight the garbage bins started rattling again. Determined to end this nonsense he marched out, already in beta shift and growling as he headed toward the bins.

He stopped short. On top of the bins was a fat, female raccoon with a short bushy tail and a leaf that looked to be permanently stuck to her head. She was well on her way to decimating one of the securely wrapped plastic bags.

At least this time it wasn’t something supernatural. He flashed his eyes menacingly along with an over-the-top theatrical growl. This raccoon must be new to the neighbourhood and didn’t know how things worked around here.

The raccoon-like trash panda froze, then seemed to gather her wits and scowl at him, her expression clearly said, _‘plenty of garbage to go around, buddy!’_ Before snatching an apple core off the top of the pile, unashamedly stuffing it in her mouth and scampering off.

Confused at having another critter rummaging through his trash two nights in a row—was his garbage better? —Derek made to head back inside only to find the backdoor was ajar. His eyes narrowed. He was sure the door had been firmly shut on his way out. Taking a small step inside, he paused to scent the air. It smelt like magic and woodsmoke. The faint sounds of rattling pots and pans indicated the thief was in the kitchen.

He froze at the doorway. His kitchen was _trashed._

The fridge door was wide open with all the condiments sitting on the floor. The pantry and cupboards met the same fate, and all the contents were piled in a small but impressive mound. The drawers were pulled open and his eyes homed in on a little dragon who was in the process of madly packing his stomach pouch full of all the silverware. That pouch was looking to be like a magical black hole.

Derek _roared._

The creature froze midway to shoving another spoon into his pouch and slowly turned his head to lock eyes with Derek. His taunt body and slightly widened eyes clearly broadcasted the creature’s thoughts of _‘Damn. Busted.’_

Without warning, the dragon puffed up to five-times his size, gave an ear-shattering shriek, causing Derek bang his head on the doorframe clutching his poor ears, and then just as abruptly shrank back to regular-size before he shot out through the kitchen window making away with all of Derek’s cutlery.

What the hell. Did that thing just use pufferfish tactics to escape?

* * *

“We have a situation,” Derek announced at the emergency pack meeting he called.

Pacing back and forth in front of his betas cuddled together on the couch he continued, “some new creature has moved into town.”

“Has it killed anyone yet?” Erica asks, expression a little too eager for bloodshed.

Derek stops, “no... its been raiding my trash every night.”

Silence met his words as Erica, Boyd and Isaac took on a bewildered expression.

“...Are you sure it wasn’t a raccoon?”

Way to go Isaac, go point out the obvious.

“No!” Derek snapped. “It wasn’t just the raccoon. I think she’s the lookout. That thing stole my silverware too.”

“Let’s check the Bestiary,” Boyd says, ever the logical one. However his tone still ended in a slightly higher note like he was questioning their fearless leader’s sanity. They hadn’t to date met a supernatural creature that stole cutlery. Even leprechauns wrecked more havoc than that.

“It was a tiny green lizard, I thought it was a dragon until it swelled up like a giant pufferfish with wings and ran,” Derek explained, “with my cutlery,” he added darkly eyeing the pizza boxes stacked on the coffee table. The real reason why they weren’t having a homecooked meal.

“Yup let’s get the bestiary.”

* * *

The next morning was Derek’s day off. He’d planned to sleep in only to be interrupted at the ungodly hour of 10AM by knocking at his door.

Groaning, he dragged himself out of the comforts of his blanket nest and went to the door.

Opening it, he was met with a wide grin much like the Cheshire cat on a young man with brown hair styled in spikes and large brown eyes to match his smile. He was hit with the heavy smell of smoke and spice forcing him to hone all his senses onto the man in front of him. He didn’t recognize this person.

“Hey! I’m your new neighbour. Just thought I’d drop by and say hi. I made you a minced pie. Just you know, neighbourly gestures and all since I live right next door. We could be seeing each other a lot from now on you know?”

A pie was shoved in his general direction. “Well look at the time! I gotta go! Glad I could catch you since it’s your day off, not that I was watching you or anything, but see you around!” The man turned around and ran for it, vaulting over his fence rather than stop to unlatch the gate.

His retreating back oddly reminded Derek of some pest that had been trespassing lately.

Derek was left standing at his front door for a few minutes, brain still catching up with his neighbour’s abrupt departure and the lost of smoke and spice enshrouding his senses. The man didn’t even leave his name.

He caught himself and closed the door. Walking into the kitchen he dug out the bag of plastic spoons because thanks to some _heathen_ , he had to buy some.

The pie did smell amazing. Digging in he swallowed a mouthful and promptly choked. It was _spicy._ On a spiciness scale rating between one to ten, it ranked at least an _eleven_. Did his neighbour have _any_ taste buds?

Coughing and spluttering, he grabbed a glass off the drying rack and went to the sink to fill up some water to wash it down. He’d left the window open last night and the light breeze flowed in, carrying with it faint voices.

_“I did it! I gave it to him!”_

_“Wait you did?! I saw you add a pound of chili powder to it!”_

_“The secret ingredient is in the spice, Kira! White men didn’t travel because they liked British food! It was for the spice!”_

_“There is such a thing as too much spice! Just because you don’t have taste buds doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t!”_

_“I wanted to see how he’d eat it with without—.”_

A window was slammed shut effectively cutting off the tail-end of the conversation.

* * *

Derek was just passing by the jewelry store when a shiver down his spine made him stop. He looked past the ‘closed’ sign into the deserted store. Nothing seemed out of place. The doors weren’t busted, glass all intact and cases locked tight, except upon closer inspection they were empty. He checked the door to find that it was unlocked. He would have reported the robbery except for the scent magic in the air and none of the alarms had been triggered.

This thief was talented. The newest player in town was giving Derek a run for his money... If he weren’t a werewolf.

He inhaled deeply using his senses to sniff out the perp ignoring the magic swirling in the air tell him nothing was out of place. There was the strange scent of smoke lingering in the air, still strong as if they hadn’t left. He followed the trail into the back room to the employee lunchroom. The door was shut. He could hear light breathing inside. Twisting the knob, he stepped in.

There was whole pile of treasure sitting in the centre. No questions this was the motherload. Diamond necklaces, rings, everything that was supposed to be on display was piled high in a heap and at the precipice was a little dragon snoozing away on his mountain of stolen goods.

And didn’t this little beast look awfully familiar.

He sheathed his claws feeling that a dragon the size of a chihuahua and wasn’t going to do damage to him anytime soon. He marched up snatching it off the pile.

The lizard woke up with a squawk, “the hell!”

Derek raised him to eyelevel.

The dragon looked around the room from his pile of stolen goods then back to Derek again. “If you’re here to arrest me, you should know that I have no intention of coming quietly.”

Derek snorted, “as if I can just hand in a dragon. So you’re the little shit that’s been stealing my garbage, what are you doing here, why did you come to this town?” He violently shook the creature as he began the interrogation.

“Hang on! Holdup! Don’t shake me I get dizz—” _CHOMP_! The dragon sank its tiny sharp teeth into Derek’s nose.

Reacting automatically Derek yanked the thing off and tossed it across the room.

The dragon hit the wall with a soft _whump_ and morphed into a young man with brown hair, sticking up in all directions wearing garishly plaid clothing, who looked Just. Like. His. Neighbour.

Derek let out a snarl, “what the hell!”

“Dude I can explain,” his neighbour began to sit up still a little dazed from impact.

He crossed his around over his chest, “go on,” he said flatly. I might not be able to throw you into a human jail but there are other ways to deal with our kind.”

“I was going to return this after I rolled around in it for a bit. I just needed to recharge; I wasn’t going to take anything!”

“Recharge?”

“Yea, that phrase money is power is actually true. Diamonds and precious metals hold energy from the earth. Dragons draw power from that energy.”

“What about my things?” He demanded.

“Oh. That. I wasn’t going to return _that_. Honestly speaking you could use a new set of utensils. I was doing you a favour! You’ve heard of the saying, ‘one man’s trash is another man’s treasure!’”

“You sound so happy at rooting through my ‘trash,’” Derek snorted.

“You weren’t even supposed to find out I was there!” The man started waving his arms wildly, “the tanuki was a poor excuse for a lookout. She was supposed to keep you distracted for longer but she’s just getting started in the life of crime so I guess it wasn’t a complete failure, still a bit green but not bad for spending most of her life rummaging through trash, you should see her resume, it’s quite impressive.”

“You propositioned a Japanese raccoon-dog to be the spotter while you ransacked my kitchen?” Derek couldn’t begin to fathom what kind of con this creature was running.

“I didn’t have much of a choice! This neighbourhood is surprisingly low on critters that are willing to come near a werewolf’s house, I hope you’re happy! No coyote will come within a block of your den, I checked.” While he was ranting and explaining he shifted back to dragon form and proceeded to open up his stomach pouch, stuffing the jewelry inside.

“What are you doing?” Derek went on alert. It wasn’t the first time this pest had got the slip on him and escaped.

“Returning it, Kira’s illusions aren’t going to last for much longer.”

“Who?”

A quiet chuckle caught his attention. The fridge in the corner rattled before the door swung open revealing the culprit. A racoon sitting on the second shelf with half a sandwich hanging out her muzzle, hopped off the shelf and swallowed the sandwich whole before morphing into a human.

Derek was greeted with the sight of a woman of Japanese descent. Tall, long black silky hair trailed past her shoulders and almond shaped eyes looked back at him. She was dressed in a tight black tank top and black tights. She stretched gracefully showing off lily-white skin before turning around to grab the carton of milk off the shelf and downing it in a single gulp. Exactly like the thief she was.

She hadn’t bothered to put away her bushy raccoon tail. From what little that Derek could recall from Japanese folklore, young or inexperienced tanuki couldn’t hide it very well.

The dragon continued unperturbed like this was a common sight, “Kira, I’ll have you know you are the _worst_ spotter of this century! And in your generation! And of your kind! The worse of all the racoons! Derek wasn’t supposed to find us here!”

“You should be thanking me you got the attention of that hunk of a werewolf because I didn’t distract him long enough,” she replied smugly.

“Shut it!” He turned an interesting shade of red that complimented his green scales. Like Christmas.

She went on, “and you were making googly eyes at him when we moved in. We almost dropped the couch. You don’t raid just _anyone’s_ garbage; your standards are too high.”

“You’re embarrassing me,” he hissed. “You don’t see me commenting on your dining habits you garbage-eating panda!”

Her eyes narrowed and she swallowed the half-eaten bar of chocolate whole before spitting out, “Tanuki. I am from a long line of tricksters, I am _not_ a panda,” she hissed.

Well she didn’t deny her eating habits.

“And I have no idea what you mean about garbage,” she dug out a packet of pudding cups and proceeded to decimate those.

“Quit it you two!” Derek snarled. “You!” He pointed at the dragon, “you’re coming with me, I’m going to make sure you return those,” he turned to look at Kira, “and you...”well the only one really stealing here was Kira, but, “...never mind.” He frogged-marched the dragon out of the lunchroom.

“Don’t forget that introduction!” Kira called after them.

Glaring at his sidekick before turning back to face Derek, still a slight shade of pink he said, “heya neighbour, I’m Stiles. Nice ta meetcha.”

* * *

Several years later when people asked how they’d first met; Derek will _not_ look at that trashcan fondly dammit.


End file.
